I am 20 weeks and 3 days into the pregnancy, which means I have passed the halfway point. Presumably I won't carry Poppy and Pepe longer than 40 weeks (at least not without setting a new record).
Fortunately the morning sickness is gone! Unfortunately the back and rib pain is here and I suspect it's here to stay.
I'm not really slowing down yet, which is a positive. I did a lot of travel last week and I'm doing it this week too, but after that I don't have a lot on the calendar.
We had a fantastic vacation to Fort Morgan (Gulf Shores) Alabama. We spent a lot of time laying on the beach and being lazy. Oh, and I ate WAY too much fried shrimp. I need to start watching my diet before I blow up!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Lemon bars
We're headed over to Sherrie and Joe's tonight for a grill out (although I most certainly will be staying inside - HOT out there!). I am bringing dessert and I just made lemon bars. I talked to my mom this morning and told her I was going to make them, which she confirmed was a good idea for a summer dessert. Then I told her that I'd just grab a box mix for it, and she was adamant that I make them from scratch (she's that kind of mother, but in this case she was right). She said "make Judy Cox's recipe.....it's way better than the box mix and it's really easy. You'll find it in the church cookook."
The church cookbook is a pretty special thing. "The church" refers to the church I grew up in. It was the church's first effort at the cookbook and was compiled in the late 80's (with my mother being on the "Church Cookbok committee"). For the record, they have published newer editions since, but they aren't really new editions, they are entirely different cookbooks and they're not near as good as the original cookbook. It's pretty extensive and is the source of many of our favorite recipes. I received 3 as wedding gifts, which were all unnecessary because my mother had bought me one when I went off to college. Yes, our church still publishes and sells these relics and the "ladies" of the church all know how special and wonderful it is. Another reason it's important is that all of my mom's family recipes are in that book. Chances are if I ask her how to make her mother's cinnamon rolls, overnight salad, homemade bread, whatever.....she'll say "check the church cookbook."
So, it was no surprise to me when she said "make Judy Cox's recipe..." I knew what words would come next.
I made it and it was totally easy and fool proof, and sure enough they are wonderful. My mother is often right (more than I thought!).
The church cookbook is a pretty special thing. "The church" refers to the church I grew up in. It was the church's first effort at the cookbook and was compiled in the late 80's (with my mother being on the "Church Cookbok committee"). For the record, they have published newer editions since, but they aren't really new editions, they are entirely different cookbooks and they're not near as good as the original cookbook. It's pretty extensive and is the source of many of our favorite recipes. I received 3 as wedding gifts, which were all unnecessary because my mother had bought me one when I went off to college. Yes, our church still publishes and sells these relics and the "ladies" of the church all know how special and wonderful it is. Another reason it's important is that all of my mom's family recipes are in that book. Chances are if I ask her how to make her mother's cinnamon rolls, overnight salad, homemade bread, whatever.....she'll say "check the church cookbook."
So, it was no surprise to me when she said "make Judy Cox's recipe..." I knew what words would come next.
I made it and it was totally easy and fool proof, and sure enough they are wonderful. My mother is often right (more than I thought!).
Sunday, May 8, 2011
End of First Trimester
Boy am I glad to see the first trimester end. Happy trails to you first trimester - I will not miss you. The subchorionic hematoma (the technical term for the blood clot) went away right at my 12 week ultrasound, so I graduated from my IVF doctor and was sent on my happy way to my OB. Also, with the death of the blood clot, I am free to resume life and enjoy this pregnancy (hardy har har) so I am back at work and I even travelled last week.
Speaking of enjoying the pregnancy (heehee), I sure don't like it. I know that I have wanted this for so long (no I haven't forgotten) and I should be eternally grateful for the opportunity to become a mother (and I am), but I can't say that pregnancy agrees with me.
My list of complaints starts and ends with morning sickness. I've had a couple of other pregnancy inconveniences, but they aren't worth complaining about, and without the morning sickness I think I could have had a complaint free first trimester. However, the morning sickness ruined my every day and I am desperate for it to be behind me for good. For the last week or two I have had some temporary respites from the sickness, but it always comes back. Today is a "comeback" day, a reminder that I am not out of the woods yet. For most (those who actually suffered from morning sickness, most women I know were miraculously spared from it), the nausea goes away by week 14, which means I'm just 1 week and 3 days away from spontaneous and total healing. Since I've noticed it easing up on some days, I am optimistic that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger and brighter with every day that passes. I refuse to believe that I could be one of those cursed women who experience the morning sickness throughout the full 40 weeks.
I mentioned to one of my friends that pregnancy is similar to pledgeship. Morning sickness is just another act of hazing. When asked how I was feeling I replied with "Just beat me with an ax handle and get it over with."
To devote two whole paragraphs to complaining about the morning sickness might sound extreme, but I've devoted two whole months to complaining to my husband about it, so maybe you can count yourself lucky to be a reader and not a listener. You can skim down past this part, after all.
Today my pregnancy is aged 13 weeks and 3 days, which means I'm officially into the 2nd trimester and it's time to start getting things done to prepare for these bundles of joy. Our first task to prepare is to plan our last vacation together, pre-babies. We did some internet research on Friday but haven't made any decisions yet. We'll probably do a cruise or all-inclusive vacation somewhere. I anticipate I'll need access to food on a 24-hour basis so both those vacations will cater to me nicely. We're not sure how late into the pregnancy I'll be given the all clear for travel, so I'm hoping we can get in a vacation in June. Plus, Forrest deserves a vacation for putting up with me. He has been nothing short of an angel and I don't deserve him. He even got me flowers for Mother's Day. He deserves the Medal of Honor (and possibly even a purple heart - yikes!) for his efforts in keeping me happy.
Our second pregnancy task was registering, which I have started today. I put in about 6 hours of online registering and I'm pretty proud of the list I have so far. Of course, once Forrest and Liah get their hands on it I'm sure it'll get sliced and diced and will become unrecognizable from its original form. However, it's a start and it's a lot easier for them to edit an existing list than start from scratch, so my efforts today won't be in vain. I decided to forego the Babies R Us registries since that store is expensive. In lieu of the monopolistic retailer, I chose Amazon.com. They have everything that I will need and they seem to ask a little less for each item than BRUs, so hopefully I won't get any complaints that there's no actual brick and mortar store to shop at.
Speaking of enjoying the pregnancy (heehee), I sure don't like it. I know that I have wanted this for so long (no I haven't forgotten) and I should be eternally grateful for the opportunity to become a mother (and I am), but I can't say that pregnancy agrees with me.
My list of complaints starts and ends with morning sickness. I've had a couple of other pregnancy inconveniences, but they aren't worth complaining about, and without the morning sickness I think I could have had a complaint free first trimester. However, the morning sickness ruined my every day and I am desperate for it to be behind me for good. For the last week or two I have had some temporary respites from the sickness, but it always comes back. Today is a "comeback" day, a reminder that I am not out of the woods yet. For most (those who actually suffered from morning sickness, most women I know were miraculously spared from it), the nausea goes away by week 14, which means I'm just 1 week and 3 days away from spontaneous and total healing. Since I've noticed it easing up on some days, I am optimistic that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger and brighter with every day that passes. I refuse to believe that I could be one of those cursed women who experience the morning sickness throughout the full 40 weeks.
I mentioned to one of my friends that pregnancy is similar to pledgeship. Morning sickness is just another act of hazing. When asked how I was feeling I replied with "Just beat me with an ax handle and get it over with."
To devote two whole paragraphs to complaining about the morning sickness might sound extreme, but I've devoted two whole months to complaining to my husband about it, so maybe you can count yourself lucky to be a reader and not a listener. You can skim down past this part, after all.
Today my pregnancy is aged 13 weeks and 3 days, which means I'm officially into the 2nd trimester and it's time to start getting things done to prepare for these bundles of joy. Our first task to prepare is to plan our last vacation together, pre-babies. We did some internet research on Friday but haven't made any decisions yet. We'll probably do a cruise or all-inclusive vacation somewhere. I anticipate I'll need access to food on a 24-hour basis so both those vacations will cater to me nicely. We're not sure how late into the pregnancy I'll be given the all clear for travel, so I'm hoping we can get in a vacation in June. Plus, Forrest deserves a vacation for putting up with me. He has been nothing short of an angel and I don't deserve him. He even got me flowers for Mother's Day. He deserves the Medal of Honor (and possibly even a purple heart - yikes!) for his efforts in keeping me happy.
Our second pregnancy task was registering, which I have started today. I put in about 6 hours of online registering and I'm pretty proud of the list I have so far. Of course, once Forrest and Liah get their hands on it I'm sure it'll get sliced and diced and will become unrecognizable from its original form. However, it's a start and it's a lot easier for them to edit an existing list than start from scratch, so my efforts today won't be in vain. I decided to forego the Babies R Us registries since that store is expensive. In lieu of the monopolistic retailer, I chose Amazon.com. They have everything that I will need and they seem to ask a little less for each item than BRUs, so hopefully I won't get any complaints that there's no actual brick and mortar store to shop at.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Scare
On Thursday I was in Andalulsia Alabama visiting with some customers. Right as our meeting was about to end, I felt a gush of warm liquid coming out of me (from down there). I got up and ran to the bathroom and I was soaked with blood. There was a woman in the bathroom and I told her the situation and she told me I should go to the ER. She also went out and got rid of my customers who were probably very concerned and confused at that point (I had blood running down my legs and it was all over the chair I had been sitting in).
I drove to the regional hospital and was quickly admitted to the ER. How lucky am I that no one was waiting? I called my doctor on the way and described what had happened. My doctor wasn't available but my nurse confirmed that I should go to the ER. Once I got settled in to the exam room, a nurse came in to tell me that a woman from Powersouth (the company I was visiting) was there to see me. She came in and it was the lady from the bathroom. Her name was Carol and she ended up staying with me for the whole time. She was a total angel.
The first thing they did was give me an ultrasound to check for a heartbeat. This was so incredibly scary because I knew that it was a pretty bad sign that I had bled as much as I did. The ultra sound tech took forever before she finally said anything, and I couldn't see the screen so I was incredibly nervous. Then I heard a heartbeat and I was so relieved. Then she moved to the other baby and I heard a heartbeat there too. The heartbeats were at 151 and 169 bpm, faster than last week which is a good sign because they are supposed to increase in speed. I was so stinking relieved!
Then I had to go back to the exam room to get a pelvic exam to make sure my cervix hadn't opened. I had to wait 2 hours before they did that, but fortunately they finally did the exam and everything was ok. My doctor called them and the ER attending physician wanted to speak to him before they released me. They spoke and determined everything was fine. Then I spoke to my doctor on the phone and he told me that the ER doctor was an idiot - knew nothing about obstetrics (which I had already concluded by this point). However, the ultra sound was great and that made him feel good.
He said that this is more common in twin pregnancies. He suspects what happens is that one of the embryos partially detached from the uterine wall which caused a lot of blood to be shed all at once. Since there were still heartbeats then likely everything is perfectly ok. However, he didn't want me flying home. So, Forrest flew out to Montgomery that night and he and I drove my rental car home (12 hours - OMG!!).
So that's my scary story. The angel who stayed at the hospital with me told my customers about what had happened the next day (I gave her permission). Of course they called me first thing to check on me and to tell me that they wished they had known at the time, but appreciated that it was highly awkward. Unfortunately I think they'll have to get rid of the chair I was sitting in. Isn't that every 12 year old girl's worst nightmare? That she's going to get her period and it's going to show? Well, this was more than a period....it was like someone poured 2-3 cups of blood out of me all at once. When we got home Forrest asked to see my pants, and of course the blood stain was all the way up the back of the butt almost to the waist band. He held me and said how sorry he was that I had to experience that.
It was one of the worst experiences of my life because I was so afraid that I had lost the babies. Poor Forrest and my family were all terribly upset also. It was good that Forrest could hop on a plane and get out there because I know he wouldn't have been able to just sit at home.
I have another sonogram scheduled for Tuesday with my IVF doctor and I'm crossing my fingers that everything is still ok.
I drove to the regional hospital and was quickly admitted to the ER. How lucky am I that no one was waiting? I called my doctor on the way and described what had happened. My doctor wasn't available but my nurse confirmed that I should go to the ER. Once I got settled in to the exam room, a nurse came in to tell me that a woman from Powersouth (the company I was visiting) was there to see me. She came in and it was the lady from the bathroom. Her name was Carol and she ended up staying with me for the whole time. She was a total angel.
The first thing they did was give me an ultrasound to check for a heartbeat. This was so incredibly scary because I knew that it was a pretty bad sign that I had bled as much as I did. The ultra sound tech took forever before she finally said anything, and I couldn't see the screen so I was incredibly nervous. Then I heard a heartbeat and I was so relieved. Then she moved to the other baby and I heard a heartbeat there too. The heartbeats were at 151 and 169 bpm, faster than last week which is a good sign because they are supposed to increase in speed. I was so stinking relieved!
Then I had to go back to the exam room to get a pelvic exam to make sure my cervix hadn't opened. I had to wait 2 hours before they did that, but fortunately they finally did the exam and everything was ok. My doctor called them and the ER attending physician wanted to speak to him before they released me. They spoke and determined everything was fine. Then I spoke to my doctor on the phone and he told me that the ER doctor was an idiot - knew nothing about obstetrics (which I had already concluded by this point). However, the ultra sound was great and that made him feel good.
He said that this is more common in twin pregnancies. He suspects what happens is that one of the embryos partially detached from the uterine wall which caused a lot of blood to be shed all at once. Since there were still heartbeats then likely everything is perfectly ok. However, he didn't want me flying home. So, Forrest flew out to Montgomery that night and he and I drove my rental car home (12 hours - OMG!!).
So that's my scary story. The angel who stayed at the hospital with me told my customers about what had happened the next day (I gave her permission). Of course they called me first thing to check on me and to tell me that they wished they had known at the time, but appreciated that it was highly awkward. Unfortunately I think they'll have to get rid of the chair I was sitting in. Isn't that every 12 year old girl's worst nightmare? That she's going to get her period and it's going to show? Well, this was more than a period....it was like someone poured 2-3 cups of blood out of me all at once. When we got home Forrest asked to see my pants, and of course the blood stain was all the way up the back of the butt almost to the waist band. He held me and said how sorry he was that I had to experience that.
It was one of the worst experiences of my life because I was so afraid that I had lost the babies. Poor Forrest and my family were all terribly upset also. It was good that Forrest could hop on a plane and get out there because I know he wouldn't have been able to just sit at home.
I have another sonogram scheduled for Tuesday with my IVF doctor and I'm crossing my fingers that everything is still ok.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Phoebe Buffay
Today I'm in Hattiesburg. I had a meeting that ended at about 3:00 and then I checked in to my favorite hotel here. To pass the time I turned on the tv and found an episode of Friends. It was the one where Phoebe becomes a surrogate for her brother and sister-in-law. I was really entertained by how IVF is portrayed on tv. The episode started with Phoebe going to the doctor to see if she was "ready" to get the embryos. Once at the doctor's office, the doctor declared that Phoebe's endometrial lining was thick enough, so they were ready to move forward with the embryo transfer. The doctor announced that they'd be transferring 5 embryos, which concerned Phoebe, but then the doctor told Phoebe that with the 5 embryos, she only had about a 25% chance of getting pregnant. Phoebe then reassured her brother and sister in law that even though the odds weren't good, she'd keep doing it until it worked. Her brother then informed her that the procedure cost $16,000 and that they could afford to do it only once. Phoebe went home after the procedure and immediately took a pregnancy test. She knew that it took a couple of days before the pregnancy "set in" but since her body "moves faster than most" she decided to test immediately. It was negative. The next day her brother and sister in law came over with another test and asked her to take it, which she did. Fortunately this time it was positive. They were all overcome with joy and I couldn't help but tear up. First of all, this is definitely a simplified version of how IVF works. It's so much more complicated and scripted than that. The timing of the implantation is dependent on both the woman's endometrial lining and the age of the embryos. Both have to be just right. Also, it takes at least 9 days after the transfer before the hormone can be detected. Another distinction...I'm not sure when that episode was filmed, but I'm guessing it was in the late 90's. My odds of success were much higher than that and they only transferred 2 embryos. Of course, success rates vary around several factors including age, quality of embryos, and condition of the mother's uterus. Still, I can't imagine that Phoebe's odds of success would have been that much lower than mine, since most surrogate are chosen because of they are deemed to be good hosts. In this case, Phoebe was chosen because she was related to the couple, but still I would assume that they'd want to qualify her to determine that she's a good surrogate. Despite the descrepancies, the end result was just the same. The expectant parents were full of hope and fear when waiting to find out if the procedure had worked. They had endured so much heartache to get to that point, and as they said "all of their eggs were in one basket." They were overcome with joy and gratitude just like we were when they found out.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Day 8
Today is Day 8, meaning it's 8 days after I had the embryo transfer. Tomorrow is Day 9, which is important because that's the day we find out if the IVF attempt worked. I have to go in and give blood. They'll do what they call a "beta test" on my blood sample and will determine if I'm pregnant.
On Day 0, the day of the transfer, I felt really hopeful and optimistic. My friend M who is currently pregnant from her first IVF attempt told me that I can spend the next 9 days worrying that I'm not pregnant, and for that matter I could spend the first 12 weeks of a pregnancy worrying that I'll miscarry, but in the end I'll just be robbing myself of days that I could be enjoying my pregnancy. If I find out on Day 9 that I'm not pregnant, then I'll be disappointed regardless of how hopeful I had chosen to feel before.
That was good advice, and during days 0 - 6, I felt really good and was confident that I was pregnant. M keeps saying that she is already claiming this victory for me - that she is already enjoying God's blessing on my behalf. I was just about there.
And then Day 7 hit, and the doubting began. Day 7 was completely disasterous because I broke the cardinal rule on the 2WW (that's infertility talk for "two week wait", the time in between the egg retrieval and finding out if it worked). The cardinal rule is this: Don't take a home pregnancy test. The doctor said that they are completely inaccurate because of all the medicines I've been taking. Regardless of if you get a positive or a negative, that means nothing and will only cause stress. But by Day 7, I was desperate, so I hid out in our guest bathroom (so that Forrest wouldn't know) and I took the test.
And it was negative.
I have been a nervous nilly ever since. Before the test, I had confidence and hope. After the test, a big part of me feels resigned that it's going to be "no". The whole time I was performing the test, I could hear God saying "NO NO NO, don't do this!" I know it doesn't really mean anything, but that doesn't change the fear that is now in my heart.
I'm now attempting to regain hope and confidence, and to claim this victory that God has given me. But now that I've tested and seen, it's hard to go back.
I'm writing all of this because I just got off the phone with my sister L who suggested I start a blog. She knows I'm discouraged but doesn't know why. She is supremely hopeful that I am pregnant right now. She has kept a blog ever since her first daughter was born, and it has been such a joy to all of us to get to read it and see pictures of her daughters. She said I should start one tonight because it would be nice for the first entry to be of me "not knowing".
So, I'm starting this blog. It might just be one post, because tomorrow I may find out that I'm not pregnant. But there's also the chance that tomorrow I find out that I am pregnant. This could be the start of years of blogging about my precious baby.
To you, blogging universe, I'll commit to updating this tomorrow, Day 9 and posting the result.
To you, dear God, I am in a bad place, and I know you know it. My heart is breaking because I took that test and now I'm discouraged. Lord, I know that you are in control of this whole process and this could very well be the eve of some very exciting news. You could be revealing more of your plan to us. Regardless of the outcome, I know you'll be revealing a bit more of your plan. I'm so hopeful that the plan intails me being pregnant RIGHT NOW with our first baby. However, if the plan is that there will still be more waiting than I desire, please give me peace about that too. I trust you with my family, and I trust you'll do the best for me. Just help me accept your plan, whatever that may be.
And Lord, if you see fit to give me a miracle, please make me pregnant.
Lord, please heal the infertility of the people on my list. You know who they are. Ease their pain in the wait, and give them confidence in the plans you have for them.
On Day 0, the day of the transfer, I felt really hopeful and optimistic. My friend M who is currently pregnant from her first IVF attempt told me that I can spend the next 9 days worrying that I'm not pregnant, and for that matter I could spend the first 12 weeks of a pregnancy worrying that I'll miscarry, but in the end I'll just be robbing myself of days that I could be enjoying my pregnancy. If I find out on Day 9 that I'm not pregnant, then I'll be disappointed regardless of how hopeful I had chosen to feel before.
That was good advice, and during days 0 - 6, I felt really good and was confident that I was pregnant. M keeps saying that she is already claiming this victory for me - that she is already enjoying God's blessing on my behalf. I was just about there.
And then Day 7 hit, and the doubting began. Day 7 was completely disasterous because I broke the cardinal rule on the 2WW (that's infertility talk for "two week wait", the time in between the egg retrieval and finding out if it worked). The cardinal rule is this: Don't take a home pregnancy test. The doctor said that they are completely inaccurate because of all the medicines I've been taking. Regardless of if you get a positive or a negative, that means nothing and will only cause stress. But by Day 7, I was desperate, so I hid out in our guest bathroom (so that Forrest wouldn't know) and I took the test.
And it was negative.
I have been a nervous nilly ever since. Before the test, I had confidence and hope. After the test, a big part of me feels resigned that it's going to be "no". The whole time I was performing the test, I could hear God saying "NO NO NO, don't do this!" I know it doesn't really mean anything, but that doesn't change the fear that is now in my heart.
I'm now attempting to regain hope and confidence, and to claim this victory that God has given me. But now that I've tested and seen, it's hard to go back.
I'm writing all of this because I just got off the phone with my sister L who suggested I start a blog. She knows I'm discouraged but doesn't know why. She is supremely hopeful that I am pregnant right now. She has kept a blog ever since her first daughter was born, and it has been such a joy to all of us to get to read it and see pictures of her daughters. She said I should start one tonight because it would be nice for the first entry to be of me "not knowing".
So, I'm starting this blog. It might just be one post, because tomorrow I may find out that I'm not pregnant. But there's also the chance that tomorrow I find out that I am pregnant. This could be the start of years of blogging about my precious baby.
To you, blogging universe, I'll commit to updating this tomorrow, Day 9 and posting the result.
To you, dear God, I am in a bad place, and I know you know it. My heart is breaking because I took that test and now I'm discouraged. Lord, I know that you are in control of this whole process and this could very well be the eve of some very exciting news. You could be revealing more of your plan to us. Regardless of the outcome, I know you'll be revealing a bit more of your plan. I'm so hopeful that the plan intails me being pregnant RIGHT NOW with our first baby. However, if the plan is that there will still be more waiting than I desire, please give me peace about that too. I trust you with my family, and I trust you'll do the best for me. Just help me accept your plan, whatever that may be.
And Lord, if you see fit to give me a miracle, please make me pregnant.
Lord, please heal the infertility of the people on my list. You know who they are. Ease their pain in the wait, and give them confidence in the plans you have for them.
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